These paintings, they mean so much to me.
They show my journey, they show my victory.
They show how important art is for me, as a healing process, as an outlet, as comfort.
And I'm so very touched that it means so much to others too.
Thank you so much Nichrysalis for suggesting it, and thank you so much Astralseed for featuring it!
And thank YOU all so very much for all the comments and favs!
This is my pride.
A series of paintings I made from autumn 2004 to spring 2005.
It shows the stages of suffering.
This was the worst time of my life. I was in really bad mental shape. Anxiety, panic attacks, depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm 24/7.
I was in school then, in another town away from home. My teacher was trying to help me come up with something to create, and he browsed through my sketch pad, and found a small doodle that I've made long before that. And he said: Make a painting out of this. And then I thought it would be great as a series, and that is how this came to be.
When I made this, I was in stage 2, the middle painting. I really never thought that I would ever get to stage 3, the last painting. I never thought I would be able to heal.
But I did, that's where I am now. I'm healing.
These are three separate paintings - Oil on stretched canvas, each are 50x50 cm.
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This is a slightly edited document, I have cloned the backgrounds of these three paintings so that they would blend in more with the background of the document.
, you've seen the pain, the unforeseen consequences
, you've tested reality and seen its truth, the abomination
, the horror that resides within the mind of the human being
, not only you have witnessed it, you bested it.
You did something I couldn't do, I'm wounded
, I'm bleeding, I am not healing, I applaud you.
For me this morning is very strange, for once in my life,
i am happy, am I healing ?
You have encouraged me to start drawing, maybe one day I will
achieve what you achieved.
but this one is special, since it's such a personal piece, it's amazing that it can mean so much to others too
thank you art has truly helped me
i really hope that stories like mine can help people that are still very much deep in the suffering.
It does say to me that in life there are scars; they may heal, but they will always make a mark.
Scars aren't always bad, they can be good to provide a lesson or a new found passion.
oh no, scars themselves are not bad. it's the reason that they are there that can be either good or bad, depending on who is looking at them.
i have many physical scars, i will always have them, and so i will always be reminded of the hell that i was in.
but i will also be reminded of that i got out, and for that reason, i will never trye to remove them or hide them
OH MY GOSH
Congrats on the DD, you deserved it! ;u;
And I hope you're almost completely healed by now, if not completely, the latter would be better. ;u;
i know where you are, and i know that it's hard, and even impossible, to think that life can be different, that it can be enjoyable.
i can only wish you much good luck with getting to the stage of healing, and i also wish you a lot of courage and will power
Then I called her.
He picked up the phone and asked who I was and why I was calling. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he had no idea who I was, and was pissed off that I was calling to talk to her. She called me later and asked me what the hell I said to him to set him off like that, as he had verbally ripped her a new one later that night.
It was then that I realized that she not only had lied to me from the beginning, but that she was lying to me still. That was when I broke it off. I never called her or talked to her again after that day.
Thankfully I'm over her now, and though I suffer from life-long depression, I'm doing okay. I have my bad days, of course, but thankfully they're few and far between.
I guess what I'm saying is, it takes a lot of guts and courage to share your pain with the world. The world can be a harsh place, and not very forgiving of people's faults and sorrows, so I thank you for sharing yours with us. ~hugs~ Stay well, man, and remember that there are people out here who share your pains and sorrows, and who are willing to talk if you need it.
and i'm sorry to read your story. people can be so false, so horrible, but there are others out there, true and loyal people on which we can rely on. i have had more than my fair share of false people, but now i have gotten rid of them and i consider those that i have left to be true and real.
i hope you will feel much better and get over this girl
How've you been?
i'm so happy that i can give others a little hope with my art. means a lot!
The first painting presents to me a stage of suffering. The paintings are introspective and self-examining and the stage of suffering portrayed here is one of being distanced from oneself and others. The introduction and presence of an alien-like subject grasped me the first time I saw this and told me the emotions that are being ferried in the mind of the subject. This isn't what they look like, this is how they feel like: different, unfitting, an alien. This captures suffering for what it very well may be. I take away from this painting that suffering is the reversal of your identity.
I find that for me, the second painting is sometimes hard to look at, but not for any aesthetic reason, it's hard to look at for what it embodies: the concept of harm being done to oneself... by one's own actions. This is harm in its truest form, having harm inflicted and letting yourself take the damage from it; from this painting I feel that physical and psychological harm is inflicted when you begin to tolerate self-destructive thought and self-endangering actions.
The third painting tells me that, if one is to look in the right place, one will find the scars where harm was inflicted and that the pain is still a burden. But it is not an open wound: it does not actively burn, instead, it is a vagary of a memory when remembered, a stint in stilted conversation. I feel hopeful looking at this painting after transitioning from the two former pieces. Though, it seems, due to the pose of the subject, that hope was present throughout. And that's what it takes. This painting has and will stay with me to tell me that healing comes from harm, given time.
it's always very giving to know what others like about my work, and in this case it's extra special, since i have come to understand that these paintings had a big impact on you.
we will continue to heal
We will heal.
this is poetry to me, it touches the hart!
and i know you'll be able to heal, everyone can, if they believe in it!
and you believe too